{elf on a shelf}

We started a new tradition at our house this year.  Not sure I was going to like the Elf thing.  But it has been hysterical.  If you are not familiar with it... There is a small stuffed elf that has some serious magic.  He moves all over the house, watching the Divas and then reports back to Santa every night to tell him if they have been good.  The Divas named our elf "Buddy".  Buddy is very mischievous.  Their favorite place so far was this morning - he was hanging from the chandelier over the kitchen table. Their squeals were priceless.  I absolutely loved listening to the Littlest Diva with her one-way conversation this morning at breakfast:

Okay, here's the thing Buddy.  You can't fall in my cereal.  I'm not sure how you got there.  But if you fall in my cereal mom will think she needs to wash you.  She's kind of a freak that way.  So please stay there.  How was your trip to the North Pole?  It was?  That's good.  I am glad you were safe.  Did you tell Santa that I want a phone?  It's just for emergencies only.  It's not like I will text all my friends and stuff.  But in case I get lost then I can call home.  That's a good reason right?  I know!  I keep telling her that but she won't listen.  She says Santa always asks for permission for stuff like that.  But you could just tell him its important.  Well, I love you Buddy.  Have a good day and be careful.  Tomorrow you might want to pick somewhere else safer.  


I love how she has important reasons of why she needs a phone.  She has done her research and has valid points.  And just so you know, permission wasn't granted.

{thankful last 8}

I almost made it to the end.  8 left.  It doesn't mean I am not thankful.  It just means that with Thanksgiving and a week of some nasty virus that included a trip to the ER that I just didn't have it in me.  But here we go...

Day 23:

The Littlest Diva's Birthday.  This child of mine absolutely makes me happy.  She brings so much joy (and drama) to our home.  She is hilarious, spunky, opinionated, competitive, sweet, thoughtful, drama-filled and beautiful.  She is creative and super smart.  She is messy and obsessive and I wouldn't change a thing about her. Okay, maybe the whole "I know where everything is in my messy room so please don't touch it" is a little much.  I will take it.  I love that girl.

Day 24:

I am thankful for family, friends, football and food.  Absolutely necessary things to get me through life.  And not one is more important than the other.  Yes, MH is the luckiest man alive.

Day 25 - Day 30:

I'm including all 5 days together.  Don't judge.  3 Divas that take care of their mommy.  I don't remember the last time I was this sick.  But the Divas and MH took such great care of me.  They were so worried every time I puked. (Which happened to be almost every 15-30 minutes over a 24 hour period) I could hear Diva#2 "Dad!  Mom is puking again.".  Definitely the best part about being a mom is watching them nurture others.  And their ability to make fun of me when I am fully recovered.

{thankful day 22}

Thankful for the ability to disgust my Divas by kissing MH in front of them.  Who says mom's can't have fun?

{thankful day 20-21}

Day 20:

Celebrated the Littlest Diva's birthday with the whole family.  She was able to share her birthday party with Grandpa H.  They have such a special relationship.  I especially loved when she opened up her present from us.  I wish I had it on video.  She was so excited!  She screamed, ran across the room and jumped in my arms - she was on the verge of tears.  It was worth every penny.  This is what she was so excited about.  Very thankful for her enthusiasm.

Day 21:

Super thankful for a dad that gives me something to chuckle about:

Dad:  I am so sick of spam on my website (aka his email)
Me:  Yes, it gets pretty bad this time of year.
Dad:  Not to mention the spam I get from my donuts.
Me:  Donuts?
Dad:  Yes, donuts.  You know, how your computer reads the donuts?
Me:  Do you mean cookies? (crying from laughing so hard)
Dad:  Yes!  Cookies!  What's so funny?

{thankful day 19}

Today I am thankful MH knows how to use a snow shovel.  And that I can support his efforts by watching him through the window.

{sigh}

I am in a depression.  Not because it's going to snow a lot this weekend.  I mean, yes that does make me sad but I have recently realized that I can't change it so I am going to embrace it.  Maybe even take the girls skiing, snowboarding, sledding.  Well, let's be honest.  I will go with them and let MH take them on the hills while I sit by the fire.  Someone has to keep it going.  The sacrifices I make for my offspring.

Oh, back to my depression.  Kim and Kris didn't even make it 3 months.(gasp!)  Demi and Ashton made it official - they are done.(gasp!)  I thought for sure KK would make it.  I mean, their foundation was so solid.  He is such a mature, hard working guy.  And she is a giver.  Never expects anything in return.  And Demi and Ashton were just meant to be together.  Man, I never saw that coming.  What cougar ever ends up with her spouse cheating on her?  That never happens in Hollywood.  What is this world coming to?

I'll tell you what it's coming to.  In this cute little state of Zion, the Breaking Dawn premier is INSANE.  On our news tonight, they showed a local hotel that was giving a Bella/Edward pre-wedding party.  Women (okay and some very attractive gay men) were lined up to get "updo's" for the wedding.  They were dressed in wedding attire, red contacts and fangs.   Even having their make-up done.  All to sit in a theater.  Don't get me wrong - I am a Twilight fan.  Read the books, loved them.  I will even see the movie next week.  I just think maybe we are going a tad overboard.  Maybe.  Just a little.

And let me just say this... don't think I won't be getting in line for Katniss.  Because I will.  I will even sleep outside to get tickets if I have to.  In fact, if you don't know what I am talking about check it out....here.
Am I going overboard?  Maybe.  I have a lot of competition to keep up with...

{thankful day 18}

I am posting a day early because I know I won't have time tomorrow.  I get to do Fairytale Friday at the Littlest Diva's class and then it's her friend birthday party.  We invited her entire class of 24 (plus several other friends not in her class) to make sure no one's feelings get hurt.  Also thinking that there is no way everyone would come.  Only 3 kids aren't coming.  Luckily, it's not at our house.  But whew!  It will be a long day tomorrow.

Anyway... back to what I am thankful for.  Which today it is sleep.  I have been sick the last few days.  My body knows when I am doing too much.  So then I get sick.  And then I have to slow down and get some sleep.   Sleep is a beautiful thing.  I am not sure why my Divas haven't figured this out yet.  I can't get them to go to bed. I am begging them several times a night.  Even bribing them.  Okay, and yelling.  And then as soon as they are teenagers I will be beating them to get out of bed.  And when they are mom's they will be so excited to have all the kids in school so they can take an afternoon nap if they feel so inclined.  Not that I do that...

{thankful day 17}

I'm thankful for a husband that supports me in everything I do.  Which includes helping me manage this drama-filled household.  We had a house full of women last night for some crafty card making and he was patient and took care of the Divas.  In fact, he even helped the Littlest Diva clean her room.  Which was not an easy task.  Especially when he asks her why she has so many purses and she responds "Daddy, because I am a diva".  As if he should know that already.  I never have to ask him to help me around the house.  In fact, before we got married I gently explained to him that I don't do bathrooms.  For reals.  He was 100% okay with that since he doesn't mind doing them.  Now that's HOT.

{thankful day 16}

I am thankful for football.  I have several teams I love.  College:  Diehard UTE fan. Ever since I was little.  NFL:  Dallas Cowboys and Arizona Cardinals.  That's why Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  Lots of food and football.  And to rub in how lucky my husband is to have me.

{The Wednesday Whine}

What is The Wednesday Whine you ask?  Just a few things that have been on my mind.  In no particular order.

1.  Prostate Cancer Awareness:  You will hear this a lot on my blog.  Because it's something very close to me.  A cause that I am very involved in.  Did you know September is PCAM?  I didn't.  Until 2 years ago MH was diagnosed with PCa at the age of 38:  September, 2009.  Wow, ironic.  I realize it's not September but it's never too late to become more aware of it.  PCa is no longer an "old man's disease".  We know several people that have been diagnosed.  Some in their early 20's.  So please have the men in your life tested.  It's as easy as a blood test.  Happy to say MH is cancer free.   

2.  Whitney:  The new fall show that I absolutely laugh so hard I cry.  It's hysterically funny. 

3.  Cooler Weather:  (I warned you)  I actually love fall.  I love to see the changing leaves, feel the crisp clean air, eat caramel apples and everything pumpkin. I even love Thanksgiving.  A full day of eating and football.  But I hate what comes next.  (sigh)

4.  Pajama Jeans:  Really?  That's all I'm sayin'

5.  Formal Dresses:  I'm a photographer.  And I recently did a shoot with 18 beautiful people for Homecoming.  But seriously - I think all the girls were missing the bottom half of their dresses.  Listen girls... it is not attractive to wear a sleeveless gown and pull it up 10 gazillion times during an hour photo shoot.  If you have to continue pulling it up, you probably shouldn't be wearing it.  AND if your dress is too tight you can't sit down, how are you going to eat dinner.  AND if you have to constantly hold down your dress so your "world" doesn't show, it's TOO short.  You're welcome.

6.  Bullying:  It's seriously out of control.  The oldest Diva has always been one that has been bullied, in one way or another.  She is so sweet and kind and I think that's why she is picked on.  I understand she is at the age where it happens a lot.  But it's heartbreaking.  And it's not ok.  Especially by those that are suppose to be her closest friends.  I wish these bullies understood what they are doing will effect the child forever.  Another cause close to my heart.  Not just because it has affected my Divas - because it effects thousands of kids every day. 

7.  Pump Class:  New instructor tomorrow.  Be very afraid. 

8.  Daily Clothing Debate:  Seriously.  Every morning.  The Littlest Diva.  Why are we not surprised.

9.  It's suppose to snow this weekend.  A lot.  Did I mention how I feel about the snow?

10. Starting Friday is the birthday week for the Littlest Diva.  She is turning 7.  How is that even possible?  We have a birthday party with her friends, then a party with the family.  Then her actual birthday.  Someone is so spoiled.  Maybe Santa should skip our house this year.  If only it were that simple. 

{thankful day 11-15}

I promised you I would get behind... I never break my promises. 

Day 11:

I am thankful our photographer did a great job.  I would post pictures here but I already have stalkers (you know who you are).  And I don't want anyone to be jealous of how skinny I am.  I am already in the giving spirit.

Day 12:

I am thankful for spanx.  Not to be confused with being spanked.  Enough said.

Day 13:

I am thankful for sarcasm.  I am a better person because of it. (see day 11 and 12)

Day 14:

I am thankful for Uncle D.  MH's Uncle D passed away and we attended his funeral.  He has always been one of my favorites.  His family meant everything to him and I loved hearing all the stories about his life and how close he was to his wife, children and grandchildren.  I also didn't realize that he and Aunt A shared our anniversary.  Super cool.

Day 15:

I am thankful laundry is almost done.  Yes, I am thankful that we even have clothes to wash.  But I would be even more thankful if my laundry fairy would ever show up.  I just might have to write her up.  Again.

{thankful day 9 & 10}

Day 9:

Today I am thankful for good health.  I have so many people very close to me - including MH - that have been affected by cancer.  MH has been cancer free for 2 years.  What a blessing that is.  He was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer in 2009.  He had just turned 38.  How crazy is that?  Come to find out, it is no longer the "old man disease".   I am thankful for the good health I have but most importantly for healthy Divas and a healthy husband.

Day 10:

I am thankful for patient photographers.  We had our family pictures taken yesterday.  What an ordeal.  I was exhausted afterwards - and I wasn't even the one taking them for once.  It's so exhausting.  But our photographer was very patient and I can't wait to see how they turned out today.  Knowing how hard it is firsthand, just makes me appreciate it even more.  Yes, even photographers need their pictures taken too.  Super excited.

{thankful day 8}

I am thankful for my sweet family.  For 3 amazing Divas that make me the luckiest mama in the world.  They keep me laughing and pulling my hair out at the same time - which is quite a talent.  They are awesome and I wouldn't trade them for anything.   For a husband that loves my neurotic, obsessive self.  He is the most amazing dad, husband and best friend and works so hard for our family.  There is more estrogen in this house than he knows what to do with.  Bless him.

I am also extremely thankful for my extended family.  Parents - I am lucky I have several sets - that love me unconditionally and who are the BEST grandparents.  Sisters and Brothers - tons of them.  (This is what happens with divorced parents).  I am lucky to have a blended family.  I love all of them.  Seriously... all of them.

{monday madness}

I am not ready for it to be Monday.  And I know I'm not alone.  Because I see all over FB "It's Monday already?"  Does Monday really sneak up on us?  It's kind of like someone complaining about Christmas sneaking up on them.  It's inevitable.  We have all year to prepare for Christmas.  Just like we have all week to prepare for Monday.  Are any of us really prepared?

I miss living in AZ.  For a lot of reasons.  The beautiful sun, it's almost always warm, awesome friends.  The sun.  Did I mention the sun?  And the time never changing.  I don't know why this time change has totally screwed me up.  I should be happy with an extra hour of sleep.  But last night - or shall we say early this morning - I couldn't sleep.  I woke up every hour.  And permanently awake at 4am.  Seriously. 

So here I am on a Monday morning.  Woke up to a skiff of white stuff.  What to do? What to do...

More laundry?  More FB-ing?  More blogging?  Surely you jest.... I am going to be extremely productive by heading to Starbucks for some Peppermint Hot Cocoa and join my BFF for some shopping.  Judge all you want... you're just jealous.

Happy Monday!

{thankful day 7}

I am thankful for how funny my Littlest Diva is.  She is constantly saying things that make me laugh.  Yesterday in church was one of those days.  We were visiting another ward for a baby blessing.  Our little conversation:

LD:  Wow!  Their Bishop has the same name as our Bishop.

Me:  Really? What is it?

LD:  Bishop Rick.  Isn't that so awesome?

Super awesome.  And she is super cute.  And I am super thankful for her.

Disclaimer:  Now I know that not everyone is blogland will understand this.  We belong to the LDS church (also known as the Mormons). Our Bishop is like a Pastor and he has men (counselors) that serve with him and we call them the "Bishopric" - which is how she came up with Bishop Rick. 

{thankful day 6}

Today I am thankful for football.  I'm especially thankful that my Cowboys actually won.  Yes, it was to one of the worst teams in the NFL but hey, beggars can't be choosers.  So many of my friends and family members (all women) make fun of me for being such a huge fan of sports but I am.  Football completes me.

Which brings me to what MH (my husband) should be thankful for... my love of sports.  He is one lucky man.

{thankful day 5}

All I see is white.  As in snow.  So today I am thankful that I only have one volleyball game to attend and the rest of the time I can stay inside and snuggle under a warm blanket. 

Yes, that was a stretch.  But seeing the white stuff...that's all I got.

{thankful day 4}

I am thankful for a workout partner that listens to all my excuses of why I can't work out - and ignores them.  She inspires and forces me to go workout every day.  Even if I walk in not speaking to her and taking her name in vain later on during the day when I can't move.  She is doing exactly what a workout partner should do - kick.  my.  trash.   Thank you.  I hate you - in the most loving way possible.

{thankful: day 1 - 3}

It's the month to be Thankful.  It's not that we all aren't thankful the rest of the year but with Thanksgiving quickly approaching it reminds us of things to be thankful for.  All over Facebook you see a month full of thanks posts.  So I have decided to post here.  Which means I am trying really hard to post every day.  Yes, I am behind a few days.  But don't despair, I am catching up below.  And I am sure I will probably forget to post here and there and have to catch up again.  I am warning you ahead of time for my shortcomings.  How awesome is that? 

Let me start by saying I have so much to be thankful for.  I could post every day about my amazing husband and beautiful divas.  They are the best things that have ever happened to me.  I am one lucky girl.

And so the list begins:

Day 1:  I am thankful for a body that can move.  I test its limits almost every day - and sometimes put it through more pain than I should.  But it is making me stronger and healthier every day.

Day 2:  I am thankful MH has a good job.  Especially in this economy.  Even though I try to get him to play sick (almost every day - and he ruins my fun).  He is the perfect employee.  He works so hard for our family.  I say he is amazing all the time - but it's the truth. 

Day 3:  I am thankful for this....

My niece introduced me to the Croc flat iron.  I am in love.  I have been a Chi lover for years.  I didn't think I would ever want to change.  I have seen the error of my ways.  The best part:  this iron is "green" which makes the Treehugger Husband very happy.  And an added bonus... it's cute and my favorite color.  What more could a girl want?

To be skinny, wealthy.... oh wait.  That's for another time.

{gettin' schooled}

I have had my share of homework overload and it's only Tuesday.  In fact, I am not even GOING to school.  Why is it I spend way more time on my kids' homework then I ever did on my own?  If I put even half the effort into my school work growing up, I would have attended Yale or (gasp!) a community college.  Why do you think we do this as moms?  Because I know I am not the only mom out there that does it.  As mom's we are over-achievers.  You know we are.  How many friends of yours post on Facebook "Today I washed 25 loads of laundry, made 36 loaves of bread, exercised, bathed the 2 dogs, ironed 12 dress shirts for my husband that I love more than life - all before noon."  We have seen them.  We have even BEEN them.  Why do we feel a need to be Supermom?

Believe me... I have friends that school me in this area all the time.  Anyone that knows me at all, knows how much I loathe laundry.  I do it almost every day and I am NEVER caught up.  I have threatened my family that I am going to make all of them go naked for a week just so I can catch up.  Just add that to the list of reasons my children will need therapy as adults.  And for me to bake bread?  Ha!  I am so yeast challenged.  Yeast scares me.  I can' do it.  I know this wonderful Supermom in my 'hood that bakes bread every single day.  Did you read that correctly?  EVERY DAY.  Not because she wants people to think she is amazing (we all know she is already) but because she loves to do it.  Loves to give it to people.  Yes, she is that amazing.  I have friends that say they "envy" me because I get to exercise every day.  Oh yes, friends.  It's a luxury.  HA!  If only.  I just decided within the last year that it's okay for me to put my health as a priority.  I seem to always put others needs before my own.  Don't we all do that?  But its my turn and if some people think I am selfish for it, so be it.  I'm okay with that.  My point is - and I swear I have one - why do we all have a need to compare ourselves to others?  Like my skinny friends.  It doesn't mean I don't love them.  I truly do.  I just kind of hate them too.  In the most loving way possible.

Wow... I digress.  Back to the schooling part... that was a surprise rambling. 

My littlest Diva loves to play school.  I will enjoy this as long as I can.  Right now, she loves homework.  In just a few years I will be having to take privileges away from her so she will do her homework.  She loves to pretend she is the teacher.  Tonight we were in her room.  She was the teacher and I was the student.  It made me giggle - I now know what her teacher sounds like at school.  She is very firm.  I got in trouble for texting during class.  And then she asked me to draw a number line.  A what?  I don't remember doing number lines as a child.  So I tell her I don't know how.  She says "Seriously?  You don't know how to do a number line?  I learned that a LONG time ago, Mom.  Maybe you should come to school with me.  You can learn all the stuff you don't know."  Schooled, my friends.  I got schooled by my littlest Diva. 

And with that... I have nothing left to say.

{say what?}

Diva#2:

Hey mom, will you please keep all the movies that you say are inappropriate to watch for when I grow up?  I have a lot of catching up to do.

Diva#3:

Check out this flubber.  Sometimes it gets bubbles in it and you can pop it.  It's sticky and can break easily.  It's totally cool stuff!  And hey, maybe you should try to make it.  It's not like you have to bake it so you might be able to do it.

{thursday's randoms}

This is what's on my mind today....

1.  Chocolate.  Carbs.  Cake.  Donuts.  PMS.  Bloating.  Chocolate.  In that order.

2.  MH lives in an estrogen drama-filled household.  And he is still here.  God bless him.

3.  Playing volleyball is not as easy as I remember.

4.  Littlest Diva is missing her friends that we either moved from or they moved from us.  She is sad to see her cousin move to another state.  She told me last night that is trying to be brave.  She is.  So brave.

5.  I have a serious phobia of sharks.  My divas think its funny to say "hey mom! come see what I want for my next birthday" and it's a big shark face on the TV.  I should ground them more.

6.  Would it really be too much to ask for my thighs to not touch?  It doesn't matter how much weight I lose, they still touch.  And it's annoying.

7.  I am absolutely disgusted with bullies.  My oldest daughter was being bullied so much that I ended up transferring her to a new school.  I know this isn't always the correct answer.  I've had other moms say "You should make her face her fears, deal with the bullies, etc..".  But when you have a school that isn't supportive and conversations with parents that go nowhere it comes down to this:  She is my daughter and I am her advocate.  She needs to feel safe and if it takes a new school for her to feel that way I would do it again.  And she finally does feel safe.  And she is happier and adjusting very well.  She is amazing.

8.  I am 1/3 done with my Christmas shopping.  Maybe I will be organized this year.  Maybe.  Don't hold your breath.

9.  Best text I have received today:  "I love you mom.  You're the best.  Thanks for always being there for me."  No mommy guilt at bedtime for me.  Can I hear a "HOLLA". 

10.  Beautiful day today.  I took pictures of the cutest little family.  So warm and sunny.  I absolutely love fall.  I hate what is coming next.  But fall is amazing.  I love that I can be outside and feel the sun on my face, the crisp breeze and enjoy what has been created for me.  Okay, and for everyone else too.  But really, it is all about me.

11.  Do ovaries have muscles? Because if they do, I think I pulled mine during my last workout

{pump it up}

Have I discussed my latest obsession?  Let me share it with you... PUMP CLASS.  What is pump class you ask? 

First let me start with the disclaimer:  I am not a professional.  I do not use the correct weight lifting terminology.  And I do not assume any risk by anyone out there taking a Pump Class and not being able to move for days after.  I am not a professional.  I think that covers it.

Ok... back to:  What is a pump class?

Basically, it's a weight lifting class.  I never thought I would like this class.  But I do.  You have a bar where you change the weights depending on the type of exercise you are doing.  You also use hand weights and an elevated step.  For the first few classes - ok let's be honest for EVERY class until 2 days ago - I used the smallest weight possible.  Because I am a wimp.  I admit it.  Go ahead and judge me.  I'll wait...

Once you do a gazillion reps you seriously can't move at all.  In fact, after the first class I could barely walk.  Let's just say when my workout partner dropped me off, I fell out of her truck because my legs wouldn't work.  And while we are discussing my workout partner, she seriously rocks.  She gets my butt to every class.  And I love her for it.  After I hate her for it.  I have tried several times to talk her into going to breakfast instead of class.  I haven't won that argument. 

I guess they won't be paying me for an endorsement any time soon.  But after tearing all my muscles and taking the instructors name in vain for days, I have realized I have never felt stronger.  I have been doing it for a few weeks now and I actually have muscles.  About a week ago, I asked MH why my shoulders were "swollen".  He just laughed and said they were muscles.  He also reminded me about waking him up several weeks ago and telling him a felt a lump beneath my breast.  Which turned out to be a rib.  Who knew?  I am finding parts of my body I haven't seen in years.  It's a fun game.

So tomorrow is pump class and I am so excited.  Yes, I realize it's an obsession but really... I could be obsessed over worse things.  Feel free to name a few... 

{weekend wrap-up}

Apparently that was a VERY long weekend.  If only.  Amazing how no posts in one weekend can turn into over a week.

Things here in Zion have been very busy.  We had family staying with us for a few days (for the aforementioned wedding) which I absolutely enjoyed.  I am a great-aunt (gasp!) and my great-nephew -Prince C- is the cutest ever. (However, he is grounded from giving himself a fat lip and scaring mommy to death waking up from his nap covered in blood.)  I had so much fun playing with him and his mommy.  She is an awesome mom and really just brings a lot of joy to my life.  I also got to have a bunch of other nieces and nephews stay and while were were all exhausted it was worth every minute. 

We had a full busy weekend.  Lots of cleaning in between volleyball games and date night.  Went to see Moneyball and as expected it did not disappoint.  Because really... can this man disappoint?

I think not.... Angelina how did you do it?  Really, How. Did. You?  Another Unsolved Mystery.

In other news... I came to realize this weekend that my youngest Diva is more like me than I ever imagined.  When shopping with MH with her allowance money, she purchased a plastic toothbrush case to protect her toothbrush from germs.  And doesn't it look pretty? The best part was that the purchase came with an extra case for mom.  I am so proud.

{weekend bliss}

Heads up... possibly no posts from me this weekend.  My stomach is depressed.

No really... My brother is getting married and we have family in town (Yay!) and I get to be the photographer.  I am super excited to get a new sister in law and niece. 

In other news... I feel it is my duty to share a couple tidbits....

1.  Rumor says Ashton and Demi are separating.  Awww... for reals?  As if we didn't see that coming.

2.  Taye Diggs is hot.

Carry on...

{diet advice}

Now don't be scared.  I'm not going to give you any advice on how to lose weight.  I have just kept a running tab of  (horrible) advice I have received from family, friends, people I don't even know.  And I thought I would share... (You're welcome)  I can't list all of them - these are just some of my favorites.

Eat yourself skinny - according to this friend, if you just eat more of the "right foods" you will lose weight.  Maybe I need a list of those "right foods".

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  Um, really?  You obviously have never eaten a Krispy Kreme donut.

If you would just work out every day for a month, you could go down to a size 12.  Thank you Captain Obvious.  I am a size 12. 

Have you ever thought that maybe your stomach is depressed?  Huh?  Now I can't take any sort of credit for that one.  This was said to a friend of mine.  But it happens to be one of our favorites.  Wow, maybe my stomach needs therapy.

So here's a little tidbit for those that are giving advice.  And believe me, I am sure I have given advice that was unsolicited.  We all do it.  But here's the thing:  Fat/chubby/overweight people know that they are.  It is no surprise to them/us.  And while you think you have the best intentions, unless you are asked for dieting advice, please don't offer it.  It's kind of like when you see a chubby girl and you think she is pregnant and you pat her belly and say "when are you due".  It's just wrong. 

See?  Now I am giving YOU advice.  What a tangled web we weave...

What's the best/worst advice you have received?

{disclaimer}

I guess I should've posted the disclaimer first.  I have received a little blacklash from my previous post.  So let's start here...

This blog is entirely my opinion.  And sometimes my opinion is expressed in irreverent, compassionate and peculiar ways.  I don't mean to offend.  Well, sometimes I do but I swear I will not use your real name. 

Just because I call my community "Stepford" does not mean I don't like living here.  Or that I dislike any of my neighbors and friends.  I actually really love them.  Even the skinny ones.

Prepare yourself for winter backlash.  I absolutely hate winter.  I hate the cold.  I love the sun and I get a little cranky when all I see is gray for several months in a row.  You can tell me to move all you want but this is where the honey works and well, I like his paycheck so we are here... for now.

If you know me personally, please keep names private.  I told you I wouldn't use yours so please don't use mine.  There are a lot of creepers out there and even though I love the attention, a girl can only take so much.  You are welcome to refer to me as Queen, MH is my husband and I have 3 Divas.  And believe me - you will get to know them very well. (Okay, really don't refer to me as Queen - Valley Girl is just fine)

I use the word "like"... like a lot.  In fact, anything that says "Valley Girl" is totally me.  So you are welcome to edit my posts as much as you feel the desire to.  But it won't change a thing.  Believe me... many have tried.

I have blogged for years and some of my best friends are other bloggers.  I appreciate anyone that visits my blog.  And I love the feedback.  So please... feel free.  My promise to you is to try to keep you entertained.  And to make fun of myself as much as possible. 

Party on....

{weight for me]

People have asked me to start a blog where I am totally honest about my weight.  "You are funny and tell it like it is!"  (Do you understand the pressure?) How I got here and how my weight loss journey is so far.  What are my tricks?  What goals have I met?  What are my favorite low fat foods?  Before and after pictures...

Really people.  Let's be honest.  I won't post pictures unless I want to make fun of someone. Like a skinny girl that needs to eat a few hamburgers.  I will be honest about my weight.  I'm chubby.  Did you not read the title?  Let's see... how did I get here?  By eating too many of the aforementioned hamburgers.  Actually, that's not true.  I don't eat that many hamburgers.  I do, however enjoy a generous helping of carbs on a daily basis.  The only goals I have met thus far is exercising daily.  I hate it.  And I am sure I will post my daily complaints.

What does the "Zion" part have to do with my weight loss?  Absolutely nothing.  Or maybe everything.  Who knows?  I live in Stepford.  With lots of skinny - some freakishly skinny - women.  Nothing about me is like them.  And I am okay with that.  Or maybe I'm not.  Only time will tell.

Lots of questions to be answered.  A lot of questions to be asked.  Surprises.  I love surprises.